sadist me

it’s drowning me
in the sea of depression
making me numb
stealing my happiness
and the belonging with this world.
it’s killing me
making me feel empty, sick
leaving me with no reason
and i lack belonging with this world.
it makes me feel alone
amidst the crowd of my loved ones
and the happy moments.
such a sadist is this self of mine
sadist indeed.

by: Huma Aftab


Longing by Matthew Arnold

Come to me in my dreams, and then

By day I shall be well again!

For so the night will more than pay

The hopeless longing of the day.

Come, as thou cam’st a thousand times,

A messenger from radiant climes,

And smile on thy new world,and be

As kind to others as to me!

Or, as thou never cam’st in sooth,

Come now, and let me dream it truth,

And part my hair, and kiss my brow,

And say, My love why sufferest thou?

Come to me in my dreams,

and then By day I shall be well again!

For so the night will more than pay

The hopeless longing of the day.

AsH@MeD :/

Nothing new…same words, same advices, to value your parents, to bring patience in your life, to help needy and to feed orphans…but still all of the sudden I was feeling like a convict, a sinner and was guiltyof wasting my entire life in…aimlessness and negligience.

I was moved by the sincerity of his words, the depth of his tone and his down-to-earth gestures. the pure shine and child like innocence in his eyes, held my gaze and i felt like “I should jump out of the window”.

I was shivering, not mere physically but also from inside. His entire speech touched my soul, and at-once from the very depth of my heart I wanted to be that person-the obedient and most caring daughter, the most calm and patient individual, always ready to help needy.

He was delivering these common advices as if he was giving the key to success and happiness. There was light of faith and hope in his eyes, and smile of belief on his face. He was asking our forgiveness again and again. It seemed like Father Adam is asking a Satan to forgive him (when he has not even done anything wrong). It was truelly embarracing.

He is such a down-to-earth person and at that moment he depicts the face of an angel. He is angel…my spiritual father, and will always be there- in my memory.

Emotional “Good-Bye”

“You guys are the most obedient and calm students, I’ve ever have. You never scold me for my mistakes. Today, I’m asking you to forgive me for my irresponsible behavior and my mistakes, while I was teaching you. I want to give you some kind advices.

Always remember that from the same drawing room, in which, you are spending your time with your parents, you have to give shoulder to them and celeberate their funeral. Your parents are your best possessions. ‘This’ is the time you have to take care for them. Love them and understand their value. As time never comes back, and once its passed you could only regret. Be prepare that everyone has to die…you, me, and even your parents.

Bring patience in your life. Never react under intense emotions. As some times Time itself heals and rectify the worst situations. But your reactions can only make it worse.

Never deny to give the basic things you have at your house, to someone needy. People usually refuse to help others out of habit.

Feed orphans, you’ll be enjoying satisfaction and joy from your soul. Act on it and spread the words.

Thankyou so much and always remember me in your prayer…atleast once- and please forgive me.”

(Sir N.Z, showering gems in sociology class, dated 24th Nov’ 2011)

ACCIDENT…(oh! hello world)

“I don’t believe in accidents. There are only encounters in history. There are no accidents.”

I was scribbling on the paper, when an idea hit my neurons “lets start writing”. Since I’ve already written articles for the newspaper (some of them luckily got published too!), so writing frequently is not that difficult for me as it is for some poor fellows. Also, it will help me with my writing skills, and to discover myself and the world around me. And that’s how I think of writing a daily diary, but diary seems to be ‘personal’ (isn’t it), and I wanted to share my ideas with the ‘world’, so I can get knowledge from other people as well. And then It happened that one day searching for some topic on ‘lucky’ google, I happen to encounter with Awais Aftab’s blog, and AGAIN an idea hit my neurons “why not blog”. Yes, blog is all what I want, and I right away activate my blog.

A person can learn from nature and through his learning could nurture his soul-his spirit. And for I, who believe in nature and nurture, learning and growing, spiritualdenizen (Spiritual Denizen) happens to be the best thing of my life.


02:20 AM